just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
