Can i not drive my cunt home
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just pynch a tree in the face
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
