Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
