At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
