OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
