Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
