were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
