I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
