It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
