Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
