I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
