She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize