um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
