I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
