we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
