Im at strip club and am horny
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
