Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize