no, he came in my armpit
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
