What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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