if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
