And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
