Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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