What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
