Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
