we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Even my vagina gasped.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
