At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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