My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
