Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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