when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
