a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize