found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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