You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
