Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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