my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
