I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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