so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
