We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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