Got a toothbrush?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
