I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
