Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
