It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
