She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
