Buhtt sex?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize