pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
