you would pick up someone in the library
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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