The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
