one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
