When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
