Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
