I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
