Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
