dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
