in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
