If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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