Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
