why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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