If that was your dad, he is hot
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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