he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
