ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
