I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
