the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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