is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
