Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just found puke in my bra..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He? As in you personified your dick?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
