i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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