I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
