R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
