I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
