I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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