Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
