why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
