somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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