I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
