do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
