Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize