He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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