Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
