im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
