WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Randomize
