So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
