Only a mothe r could love this liver
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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