this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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