maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
