shes about as inviting as chlamydia
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
