She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
