I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This is the prime rib incident all over again
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
