I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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