Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
