I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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