the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I would ride that face into the sunset
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
