I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
