I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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