Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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