And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
