you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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