My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
