i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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