btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
