VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
